


Roach is awesome

by witchofmorena



Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Geraskier, and their flirting, roach judging geraskier, roach's pov, short fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-13
Updated: 2020-06-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:14:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24705931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchofmorena/pseuds/witchofmorena
Summary: Roach is judging Geralt and Jaskier and their inability to communicate with each other, along with their flirting method.
Relationships: Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia & Jaskier | Dandelion, Geralt z Rivii | Geralt of Rivia/Jaskier | Dandelion
Comments: 8
Kudos: 15





	Roach is awesome

**Author's Note:**

  * For [she_who_drank_vodka_with_cats](https://archiveofourown.org/users/she_who_drank_vodka_with_cats/gifts).



> this can be found on [ my tumblr ](https://witchofmorena.tumblr.com/post/616199110064766976/right-so-i-got-the-idea-from-this-post-and-this)as well

I was grazing in a meadow when I was attacked by some ugly monster. Naturally I started making noise and trying to leave, but couldn’t - my dumb human-not-human left me tethered to a tree. 

“Go away ugly! NO! DoN’t tOucH mY bEaUtiFul ManE! Bad monster! Kill it, human-not-human! Yes, that is right… go left…go left not RIGHT…uhg when will you do what I advice you?” My dummy of companion decided to get hurt, but luckily he let me walk freely, so I brought the bag with weird water that’s not really water and pushed it into his arms. I got hug, yey! I LOVE hugs! My human-not-human’s human came and cleaned blood and wound, and than gave me an apple. Mhm nice crunchy apple, I like human. He sings to me, braids my hair… Well he probably thinks I’m a goddess of horses…

My human-not-human is sad. I thought it is cause his human ~~and my worshiper~~ isn’t around… we are supposed to meet him in the next place with many humans (town? city? village? farm? I hope it’s a farm with other horses - I could ~~brag~~ tell them about my worshiper - I should start calling him my human…). Still I hope I get a good brushing, a lady like me shouldn’t look like this - muddy, my beautiful mane tangl….

”Watch out!” ugh something ugly’s attacking us again. Something was coming from behind, it gives me a bad feeling so I kick it - I must’ve gotten ‘em good, they are in dirt and in pain. I see my human - oh NO, some idiots are holding him. Ugh “you know what? I’ll just trample all over you, especially if you hurt my human!” They start running away, HA I knew I’m scary. I go up to my human and greet him.

“Do you have apples? Or or or maybe….carrots? I wanna carrot” I kept asking for carrot and he gave me one. Good human giving me such nice carrots. I look around for my human-not-human and see him right behind me. I push human to my human-not-human so he can catch him…”Go on, you have him in your arms now do that thing with your mouth that you enjoy!” “Human, no don’t….ugh I know you love him so hug him at least” dumb humans don’t even mate in any way after a mating dance -.-” at least I’ll get bathed later…

\-------------------------

“Roach…How do I tell Geralt I love him?“ the Boss’ human asks me… “How do i tell him that his hair looks so beautiful in moonlight? That it looks like liquid silver mixed with prettiest diamonds? How do I tell him that his eyes remind me of the pretty yellow opal?“ human rambles about Boss while braiding my mane with some pretty coloured flowers.

“Why don’t you tell him all that?“ I had to ask even tho I know the human doesn’t understand me, neither does Boss for that matter.

“The last time I tried to flirt with him…do you know what i said? I said *you don’t want to keep man with bread in his pants waiting* Who in their right mind says that?“ I’ve to admit that is pretty funny, enough to make me snicker, such a silly human. However this got me wondering…are all humans and human-like beings this dumb and unable to see someone wants to be their mate? Or do they do the mating dance longer? If so - how do they have foals at all? I mean they are dancing for at least 18 summers now (Boss said that), which is longer then I’ve been with boss…Oh look Boss is back from hunt. I didn’t go with him this time, apparently he was hunting a griffin. I don’t like those - one tried to eat me but Boss saved me. That was the day Boss…adopted me? That’s what his human calls it, I don’t know what he’s talking about - it’s obvious that Boss belongs to me. Anyways, Boss’ human is waiting for us in village, so I have to make Boss wash before going back - his smell makes my nose itch. I saw a pond nearby so I drag Boss to it and push him in. He looks so angry…

”I’m not moving until you wash, Boss”… Boss makes that noise often when I don’t want to move…

”You wont let me go back smelling like this?” I shake my head - there is no way I’m letting him embarrass himself even more in front of his mate,”Fine, I’ll bath” see he is already learning to understand what I want.

“So, Boss….Does this mean you’ll finally… court?…. your human?” he remains silent as he’s….bathing…and here I thought we’re making progress in communication.

Finally we are in village, and Boss’ human is coming closer… Now I should help Boss tell human how he feels. “C’mon, Boss, tell him” I encourage Boss while nudging him closer to his human,”He wont say no, go on…He loves you”

“Good hunt and not very dirty I see“ human tries…It’s a pathetic attempt tho…

“Roach didn’t move until I bathed…“ ugh NO that is not…..*heavy sigh* idiot Boss… 

“Good girl, Roach!“human praises me…what use are praises if there is no treats?”I think..ugh where did I put it?….AHA found it“ he offers me some sugar yay - good human “There you go girl, you deserve them.“ he turned back to Boss,”There is a bath in the room, prepared it for you…It’s still warm…Go, I’ll take care of Roach“ I’m not sure if I should be happy or not…they should bath together - Boss likes that…maybe if I behave human will go to Boss and let human who is with other horses brush me…

”Thanks,Jaskier…“ Boss frowns…”Where is Pegasus?” I knew someone was missing 

“Some bandits stole her… Oh I hope they treat her right, Geralt, she was such sweet horse…” I give him a hug…he sounds so sad… **Later that day, in village** Of course human didn’t do what I was hoping for, staying with me, brushing me and braiding my hair…*heavy sigh* that’s it I give up, you two figure this shit out…

\----------------

Boss never lets me drink weird water…I wanna see what it tastes like….*rummages through Geralt’s bag*hmmm…Aha..This one makes Boss do strange stuff…at least it’s more ‘toxic’ variation that ’witchers use’….Now how do I open this?

”Hey, Squirrel” bet he’ll help me 

“What, horse?” 

“Could you help me? I need to open this and Boss isn’t around to help” squirrel’s confused 

“Sure?…..Here you go!” 

“Thanks, friend! I saw some nuts that way” I point squirrel towards nuts i mentioned - he IS looking for them after all…now to drink this…Whoa…this is strange….world has so many colours now…I gotta find Boss…Oh he’s already here….

”Roach…Why did you drink modified White Gull? And how in Melitele’s name did you open the vial?” oh shit…fuck…how do I explain this….

”Well you see Boss….I…was…curious….” his eyes are really wide and round…they were never like that before…Interesting…

”Roach….you can talk?” ahhh that’s…..new…he can actually understand me….

”Okay, first things first. Boss, you gotta tell your mate how yo..” 

“My WHAT? What are you talking about Roach?” great, he finally can understand me and he interrupts me immediately uhg stupid human-that’s-not-human 

“The who travels with us? Makes my mane pretty with those yellow tasty flowers? That human?” 

“Hmmm…You must be speaking of Jaskier, he’s the only one who does all of those” so he does know who is his mate 

“yeah him, anyways I don’t know how long I’ll talk so listen carefully…” Boss leans closer, good he’s listening “next time you see him, do the thing with mouth, and tell him you love him - he loves you DON”T INTERRUPT ME and I know cause he talks to me, much like you…so tell him and mate with him already” there was also something else…hmmm…oh yes i remember “and bath you stink….also don’t flirt with him - you both make me cry when you do that”

“Roach, I don-”

“Don’t interrupt me! By the way monster’s coming, and dear me it’s so ugly and smelly” I watch as Boss fights and kills it…apparently it was some easy monster….but Boss is once again covered in monster guts ”Bath. Now.”

“Fine…you’re worse then Jask…”

“Who is worse then me? Oh I missed your fight, how dreadful” we turned to see Boss mate “Sup, Boss’ mate?” Boss glare is scary, but I’ve seen worse…like that griffin’s beak… oh no I missed part of conversation *pouts* “What is going on?”

“Roach…we can’t understand you anymore….but you were right…thanks” I was right? Of course I was *huffs* I’m always right “Lets go, Roach! I saw some nice juicy grass for you nearby, girl! Don’t tell Geralt, but…I got you some apples and…here’s a sugar cube…as a thanks” I munch on the cube…this is one of reasons why I like Boss’ mate ”Without you…I wouldn’t know what to do…I love Geralt…have for years…” he hugs me…how nice…he lets go and I do my victory dance…why? well…Roach:1, Boss and mate:0


End file.
